Hitting Rock Bottom

After the first few months of graduating from the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee, I missed out on a handful jobs that were suited for me, I would have been great for, and sounded amazing, but my resume was over looked. I told myself, there will be others and continued living life positively and happily. Its now been a year since graduating and I started to feel myself giving up. My happiness was still there, but I've felt my positivity slipping. 

On a more personal note, I have a  few influenced untraditional rules of dating. Never let your guard completely down, no second chances, date often and never stay single.  Recently broke all of my rules only to find out why I have them. Every single one of my exes has told me some version of the fact that losing me is their biggest regret. I never felt bad, never went back, it was their loss. I never stay single for more than 2 weeks after a break up. Why dwell when I know there is better. As I've recently broken all my rules I am torn. Torn between hating myself,  or adding more strict rules to my list. People tell you when you're at your worst, "Everything happens for a reason." Or "Happiness is not a destination, its a way of life, take the happiness you have remaining to get you through this tough time." My all time favorite is "Ya, that sucks I'm sorry." Its because of these dumbass cliche quotes that I have my rules of dating. I know that even with all my rules, that I am always the best me I can be in a relationship, and I know I'm better than 90% of the crazies (women) out there. 

And now I find that my roommate of 5 years and I are debating on moving out and living separately. This pushes me even further into my black hole of being at rock bottom. Rachel has become like a sister to me and it pains me to think of me living away from her. I know its only natural that we move on with life and move in with different people, just didn't expect it at this already painful time in my life. 

This is me a rock bottom. No sleep, can't eat, exhausted mentally and physically. Its that I've lost my competitive edge because I let my guard down and fell into forgetting all my rules. I usually try not to believe in regrets. However, I do regret the entirety of my last relationship. I wasted a lot of time, and energy for absolutely no reason. I gave up on my competitive self looking for jobs and not taking no for an answer for false sense of happiness with someone who believed me to be worthless. 

In a week or so I will have a new relationship, I will be back to the same unorthodox, yet proven worthy, dating rules I've created and I will be back to taking no for an answer when it comes to jobs. I know I deserve nothing but the best, as I am nothing but great to others. I am consistently putting others before myself, its about time I take change. I need to look out for me as nobody else ever will. Never expected to hit this so-called rock bottom that others have talked about, but I suppose everyone needs to experience it once in their life. I have learned from it and will take away from it what I need to. Stick to your gut, your intuitions about people, and follow your set lifestyle rules. I will start putting myself before others and make my career my main focus. 

Save any negative judgements about my life for yourself, please. I use my blog as a viral journal for you all to read into my heart. So I appreciate any positive criticisms, or any comments to help me push my way out of this rut that I am currently in. I encourage you to follow the words of Walt Whitman "Be curious, not judgmental."

Believing.

Thus far, my blog posts have consisted of ways to define me. Telling you readers, who I am, what I believe, and giving advice from personal life experience coming straight from the heart. For this blog post entitled 'Believing' I thought I'd incorporate more of my creative writing style with a poem. The poem is still from my heart, and still based on my life experience, but I'm just working on my creative writing skills.

"There comes a time when we must face the truth. Face up to our fears and live the years of our youth. For none of these are easy, but it can be done. Only if you believe in yourself and do not turn and run. The message here is how to be happy. Believe in yourself and live life less crappy."
Author: Kalyne J. Link

As always, I love to hear any and all feed back. Hope you can appreciate this new way of me offering life advice.

What it is to be an August baby.

I was born August 23, 1989. I enjoy everything about the month. The birthstone, the weather, the hype it has as it is the last month of summer, and I definitely like how it is far enough away from Christmas so my Christmas presents don't get warped into Christmas/Birthday presents. But what does the personality of an August baby consist of? I have recently found a defining article most fitting to what it truly is to be an August baby.

AUGUST BABY:
Outgoing personality.
Takes risks.
Feeds on self attention.
No self-control.
Kind hearted.
Self-confident.
Loud and boisterous.
VERY revengeful.
Easy to get along with and talk to.
Has an "everything's peachy" attitude.
Likes talking and singing.
Loves music.
Daydreamer.
Easily distracted.
Hates not being trusted.
Big imagination.
Loves to be loud.
Hates studying.
In need of "that someone."
Longs for freedom.
Rebellious when restricted or withheld.
Lives by: no pain, no gain.
Caring.
Someone to confide in, and seek for advice.
Playful.
Mysterious.
"Charming" or "beautiful" to everyone.
Stubborn.
Curious.
Independent.
Strong willed.
A fighter.

Feel free to let me know whether you agree or disagree with what researchers have ultimately defined my personality to be.

Life's Revisions.

I will act on gut intuitions, not my over processed thoughts about the situation. I will do what I want, with no regrets. I'm done with looking back and thinking "what if". Second guessing my actions, or regretting them completely shows weakness.
I will begin each day with excitement, and a smile, even if I'm not ready for what the day will bring. Power of positive thinking. Everyone's days are limited, its time I take advantage of what I have and stop caring about the small stuff.
I'm not perfect, but I've never claimed or promised that I am. I've decided if someone refuses to have me in their life, with the many imperfections I come with, they're not someone I need in my life.
Lastly, but most importantly, I promise to be less hard on myself. Happy girls are indefinitely the prettiest. I promise to do anything it takes to be happy, enjoy life, and be proud of the person I become.

Overcoming Failure

Failure exceeds any success I have because of the feelings and consequences it brings. When I feel like I've failed I feel an overwhelming sense of sorrow and regret as opposed to the happiness and excitement I feel with success I have experienced. I strive for success to an extent that can never be reached so bad that the feeling of failure is normal and expected for me.
I've learned, now, instead to keep my head high and make my thoughts stay positive. I've begun to strive for a reachable success and hope for good fortune. I have a pride so high it often gets the best of me. My new way of thinking is to act like the failure that only I view as failure will no longer effect me. I will then feel free and won't be as hard on myself. I want to be happy. I will be happy, and even though everyones definition of happiness is different, to me happiness is overcoming my constant feeling of failure. I want to enjoy the small things in life and learn to embrace all the successes in my life.

Lessons on Love

Serious love without heartache is a fairytale. All relationships need heartache, moments of weakness, and fights. Love should be built up from things each person has to sacrifice. If one person sacrifices more than the other, the possibility of hostility toward the other person could arise. For me, I live life the way I want. I am strongly affectionate and extremely caring, but I choose to not sacrifice to avoid the heartache that builds love in a relationship.
I have no regrets and no remorse for choosing to make relationship the way I feel most comfortable, does this make me a bad person? No. I know the reason people, especially me, refuse to sacrifice is because of how terrified I am to let my heart be vulnerable. To sacrifice for love and let someone completely in is a scary life choice. I fear being hurt, letting my guard down, and allowing someone to see my soul. The day I'm willing to sacrifice something about me, or have a fight that builds my relationship into a stronger one is the day I will understand Love.

Understanding me.

Attempting to do this blogging thing. This is me:
I'm Kalyne Joan Link
I'm short
Creative/Artistic
Passionate
Fueled by pride
Entertained by lust
Stubborn
Hard headed
Hot tempered
And searching for the meaning..
I believe in mistakes, not regrets. Why regret when you can use that time or situation to influence the person you want to be? Why regret when at one point in time you thought the situation or person was of importance to you? I've been taught life is a journey, not a destination. I believe this, just trying to find meaning along the way of the journey. I often use art to find the meaning and write to share what I find, usually in a journal, I want to now blog about it so people can take from what I find and use it toward their lives. I hope my readers have no judgements, I judge myself enough for everyone. I would rather inspire others, and make influences in their lives. As Walt Whitman says, "Be curious, not judgmental."